The Work of Christmas

[This is a reconstruction of the message I preached at Tenderloin Open Cathedral this past Sunday, 20 Dec 09. At Tenderloin Open Cathedral I preach from the outline in my head.]

The sermon was based on Psalm 80:1-7, focusing on verse 80:3,"Turn us again to yourself, O God. Make your face shine down upon us. Only then will we be saved," (NLT).

In one of my favorite Christmas carols we sing the chorus, "Star of wonder, star of night. Star with royal beauty bright. Westward leading, still proceeding, Guide us to thy perfect light." It is a prayer some utter this time of year, paying homage to the wanting to slow down, to want to meditate on what the star is guiding us to. A verse from Psalm 80 points to this as well: "Turn us again to yourself, O God. Make your face shine down upon us. Only then will we be saved."

This verse imagines God's face shining down upon us, guiding us like a star in the night.

God wants to turn our sight towards him as we walk in the shadows during the shortest days of the year. In the cold, God's face shines down, like a star, over Emmanuel -- "God with us" -- Jesus. Not Jesus who is the mature adult teaching the Beatitudes, but as a baby shivering in the cold, lying in a manger.

God's hope to us, Jesus, comes to us each year as a fragile baby, shivering in the cold. I sense some people are uncomfortable with this image as they rush to plant the cross next to the manger, reminding us of the salvific work of the cross as Jesus is barely in diapers. This rush, however, ignores the work of Christmas

I myself am finally beginning to make sense of the image of baby Jesus in the manger. Jesus who is our hope, comes to us as a tiny baby to be nurtured by us and to instruct us.

When someone holds a baby, there can be the reaction of discomfort. You know the person I am talking about-- the person who holds the baby awkwardly and as soon as the baby dirties her diaper hands her back to her mom or dad. Figuratively, these are the types who barely slow down at Christmas.

However, there is another reaction one could have towards Christmas -- to pick up to cradle and nurture the Christ child. When you pick up a baby, your heart can melt at the sight of a baby's smile or giggle. When you hold a baby, you're reminded to be gentle and not rough. Lastly, when you look into the eyes of a baby, you want to make the world a better place so babies can grow up free of fear, hunger, and violence.

This is the work of Christmas, to pick up the Christ child: to let our hearts be melted so God can work in us and through us; to hold and treat each other with gentleness; and to try to make a world a better place for all of God's children.

Job 17:2 reads, "Scoffers are my only companions, their harshness haunts my nights."

This may seem like a harsh sentiment, but it is a verse that gets close to how I feel some mornings when I get home from work.

Though I feel good about my work the last few nights, there are times I feel like this verse from Job. Perhaps it was because I felt useless as my gaze was met the guilt ridden eyes of those who self medicate; perhaps it could be that someone seeing my collar may have his or her paranoid delusions involving religious figures is triggered; even still, maybe I was the target of some body's issue of how the church seems to have damaged more lives than helped.

I am often asked if it is hard to see such chronic suffering night after night. I will not lie, some nights, my hope seems to be extinguished. Yet, Christ looked out on the people with a heavy heart, because they were like a flock without a shepherd.

Christ beckons to me on such nights to have patience, both with myself and the work of the Spirit; seeds that are sown now may bear fruit tomorrow, next week, next month, next year, or maybe even next decade. Recently, I was speaking at a church. Afterwords a retired juvenile cop walked up to me and told me a story of how a former teen he worked with called him up and thanked him for caring all those years ago. I too am now cultivating such stories of how somebody appreciated me taking the time to talk under a street light or in a coffee shop.

Patience is not just a virtue, but a fruit of the Spirit, especially in regards to the work of the Spirit.

Hello, Gracie

Psalm 41.7, "All my enemies whisper together against me; they imagine the worst for me."

This particular verse from Psalm 41 spoke to me this morning. Often times, we think our worst enemies come from outside us; but there are many whose worst enemy comes from within.

I am reminded of this because of my own ongoing struggles of not being good enough in the eyes of Christ. The truth is, I still wrestle with this sometimes. When I am busy crucifying on my own cross, I listen to the tapes in my head from my past. The troubling part is, though I replay these tapes/scripts in my head of not being good enough, I choose to bolster my own negative self-image, thus limiting what I can learn, but I also limit how much use I can be to the Holy Spirit.

Without going into much detail, there were incidents that I partook in my early to mid-teen years that caused me to learn to see myself as dirty, even, or especially, in the eyes of God.

These internal, self produced scripts unfortunately short changed my learning and effectiveness during my chaplain residency just a few years ago, sometimes in some dramatic ways.

Thankfully, I know God loves me; I have undergone therapy, and have a wonderful spiritual director. These folks have been resilient, and stood between me, myself and I when I have tried to either sabatoge or flog myself. I have developed tools and practices to know what to do when Satan tries to nurture seeds of doubt in myself. I have learned to accept and practice the grace of Jesus Christ.

Unfortunately, many of my sisters and brothers with mental illness don't have the tools and medicine to fight even more pernicious internal enemies. For some, issues of self-doubt are wrapped tightly up with a mental health diagnisis, such as bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, or clinical depression. For them, my job is to touch my own pain, and speak to them the grace and love of Jesus Christ. To practice God's grace with others, one first has to practice it with oneself. Through grace, comes patience, and patience is what one needs in walking with and ministering to others.

Reflections on Song of Solomon 2.1-7

God is the rose of immense beauty we behold -- we glimpse, then turn away because we feel ashamed. Yet, the rose of beauty that is God's love is for us.

Because we may feel unworthy of God's love, we run, hiding amongst the thorns and stones.

Yet, God follows after us in love, peering through the holes in the shack where we may hide. God is there, ever calling out to -- to love and be loved.

Dear God, you wait for me to return home to your love like a wayward son. You celebrate, picking up my tired body. You carry me through the gate, and your banner over me is love.

In love, you strengthen and nourish me with the raisins and apples that are the fruits of your Spirit.

Lord, protect me as I rest in your arms so I may rise and say I love you too.

Amen.

Reflections John 10:22-30

Jesus said, "I and the Father are one," in John 10:30.

God has many names in the bible because God is infinite, and beyond our mortal comprehension. Hebrew scholars have debated about the nature of God. In Jesus day, there was a strain of people who thought God wanted strict adherence to Levitical codes, which include rites of proper sacrifice of animals, and proper ritual cleanliness which ostracized many people from god. Conversely, John the Baptizer represented a line of thought that the only sacrifice God wanted was our hearts, complete with ongoing sacrificial acts of mercy and compassion. I tend to fall in line with John the Baptizer, as he was a harbinger of God's reign in Jesus. Both John and Jesus said, "Repent, for the kingdom of God is at hand!" Jesus himself quotes from Hosea 6:6 saying, "For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings."

If Jesus "and the Father are one," then Jesus too is confusing, and beyond words. Jesus as a teach spoke in parabolic riddles, healed, asked his followers to become like children, was the living presence of God, and yet he confounded even his closest followers about what the fulfillment of the coming of the kingdom of God meant.

Yet, Jesus pointed out that God was not so much about belief, but an experience; of intention rather than thought. What is the experience of God? Isaiah 30:10 says that God longs to be gracious, is full of compassion, and a God of justice. Jesus as the gate to God (John 10:9), is full of graciousness, compassion, and longs for justice.

As Christians, when we enter into God's presence through Jesus, we enter into an experience of graciousness, forgiveness, mercy, and justice. As Christ takes root in our lives, we begin to practice these virtues of the Spirit initially with ourselves, but then with our friends, family, and neighbors as well.

Though Jesus and God are one Jesus is in us and we are in him. Though we are not God, in the words of Fr. Henri Nouwen, we become sign posts to God. As Christians, it is our mission to have others experience God's grace through us, through our compassion, mercy, forgiveness, and love. Amen.

Everything I learned about being a minister, I learned in the bar...

I must admit, I have never been much of a bar person. It's one of those things since I never really developed a taste for beer.

This is interesting, because much of my "good ministry" happens in a bar. There is a bar in the Tenderloin that has an established relationship with the Night Ministry that I stop into at least twice during my work week. To protect the anonymity of the patrons, I will call it the 7 Up Lounge.

It's interesting that I feel completely at ease at the 7 Up Lounge, and yet over the years I have not been at ease in bars. However, everything I have needed to know about being a good night minister, I have learned from hanging out at the 7 Up Lounge.

1. No matter how ineffectual it may feel, showing up on a consistent basis to a location does good; familiarity breeds comfort.

2. Lingering is your friend. It is good to show one's face in a spot on a regular basis, but one needs to linger as well. Over time, I have made it a point to learn the names and the frameworks of people's stories.

3. No matter how uncomfortable it may feel, conversations about politics can be good things. There is a guy at the 7 Up Lounge who has baited me into political discussions, but I have found out over time it was his way of learning if he could trust me. Since then, he has asked me for advice on some of life's questions.

4. Sip the orange juice slowly. Restrooms are closed at night.

Resurrection blows like a wind...

I sit waiting for resurrection amidst death.

However, as I reflect, I realize that the resurrection is not a passive event, but one in which God blew life back into Jesus and rolling away the stone.

Paul states in Romans 6 that through our baptism, we undergo a similar death, and thus resurrection like Jesus.

Yes, God is responsible for the winds of resurrection, but it is up to us to respond. We can either shut the window, or let the wind of God's change blow in us.

Earlier this week, I had a big peak at resurrection. Without going into too much detail, I had a really good, substantial conversation with my mother for well over an hour. This is very significant because I have not seen her in over 23 years. I have learned over the years that a prominent person in my life served as a buffer between my mother and I as I was growing up, intercepting telephone calls, destroying mail, etc. Though I have had touch and go conversations with my mother since 2005, I made a point to move past anger at other people and wrote a heart-felt letter to my mother. My mother said the letter made her cry, and that she had wanted to write a similar one. Resurrection happens.